| dewy decimal |
2005-02-18 - 1:56 p.m.
Everett, one of my best best best friends is sooooo goddamn hilarious. His command of language is so horrible in the most endearing ways and I've even coined his misuse of the English language: Eveisms.*
The most recent Eveism was created last week when I told him the sad story of our shy Golden Sevrum who swam alone in the 150 gallon tank. I have never seen such a docile, doe-eyed fish in all my life and had remarked to Dad that 'Goldy' looked sad.
My Dad then took it upon himself to socialize Goldy by dumping her in the 200 gallon tank with the loaches and lionheads (Goldfish without dorsal fins) in hopes that she would live a happier, more dynamic life.
Three days later, there was no trace of Goldy. I looked behind every garland of anchored plant, around every algae-covered filter: Still no Goldie.
Finally under the shadows of driftwood I saw the cleaned skeleton of all that was left of poor Goldy, a tiny pearl comb. "Goldfish are scavangers," explained Dad. We concluded that Goldy had died and the lionheads and loaches had devoured her remains.
At McDonalds in Halawa, I told Everett the sad story of Goldy, "Hoa, fierce da goldfish. Scaryscary," he said, "I didn't kow that goldfish was da kine whachumacallit carnivals."
*pronounced Ee-vee-yiz-mh