| dewy decimal |
2003-12-30 - 4:07 a.m.
Gosh. In the past three months, there has been so much drama everywhere. It's to the point already where sometimes I'm just toeing the crazy line, walking a bed of pins. I'm just so tired of being held responsible for my attitudes toward other people's enemy when I am irrelevant to the ordeal in its horrible entirety.
I think that a skill I'm beginning to acquire, however, is the ability and mind to surrender to attitudes that do not concern me.
When I see someone at the clubs talking shit about me, I just say, "Fuck that noise," and I take another sip of my whiskey on the rocks and it's driven out of my mind, dropped off way the fuck out there.
When I think someone is mad at me for something that I don't even know I did, I'm like, "La dee daa," because I�m not a psychic and if you can�t verbalize to me why the fuck it is you're so fucking bent, you're not in my life anyway.
I am not interested in that kind of minor stuff and I don't really think any one of us have the time in this one life to give a shit. .
All I know is that I have the best family in the world; My Dad is so laid back, gentle and kind. He makes the best improvisational jokes EVER! My Mom is the most thoughtful and compassionate woman I know. If I died she would die too. She loves me that much. My sister is the shit! She's the most honest and content person ever. The only person I will play tickle fights with and give Indian burns to. And to think that this family was granted to me by no merit of my own, wheeeew, I got really fucking lucky. I hit the filial jackpot.
And I fucking love me. Love me, I�m the best. I may have so much shit to work on and I'm always beating myself up for shit but I'm young and ultimately I look back at the life I've lead and when I follow it back to my feet now, I will honestly say that I love who I am and am grateful to have my life and to meet all of the fucked up challenges that I'm sure await me.
My friend Ignasio said to me once, "My Dear friend...Youth is about learning of your loves, you interests, and your interactions. It is natural to feel confused and concerned and alive." And I really took that to heart and as simple and Hallmark-ish it is, it's exactly what I needed to hear at that point in my life.
I love my cat and my friends! My family, my life.
And I will say it again, I love you so much. I really, really do!