| dewy decimal |
2003-04-14 - 11:12 p.m.
tonight i have found a great pocket of gratitude for all the love i have in my life. although i am frequently caught in the spells of negativity, shitfuckfuckyou, i every once in a while have to reappraise my life and see that i am truly lucky indeed. i love my family. my sister and i are closer then we have ever been. mom and i went to go see a momix: opus cactus at hawaii theater on sunday. i even saw eve which was mad sweet. apparently joey is coming back to visit next week from virginia. i can't wait! when she asked me, "guess who's coming back to visit?", dread and longing filled my head with memories of lee. i wouldn't be able to handle seeing him again. it would ruin me. luckily it's joey. i miss joey. and despite the great exodus of friends recently, i still have a fine reserve of strong bonds in hawaii. my trio of fierce queer friends, lawrence, everet, and twan. fashionistas, inc. then there are my sweet friends, vanessa, jeffrey, and caroline. then there are my old time crazy ass friends jaqi, and shari. the list goes on. i'm not bragging, i am just truly grateful, for the moment anyways. i love all my kids, ara, jane, taleena, billy, mike, loren..all my kids yo. i am thankful for david, keoni, sarah, gretchen, ignasio and tida who still call me from afar on the weekends. in a perfect world i would be able to keep them in my pockets and pull them out like lockets or gameboys and let them fill the holes that they leave in me during their absences. and there's jared whom i'm slowly falling for. i'm so glad he called tonight. this type of journal is rare i assure you. tomorrow i will have gone back to being a smug, sarcastic, cynical bitch. but tonight, i'll curl up in bed with bubbles and a book. in a theater class i took, i think they called it "the suspension of disbelief."