| dewy decimal |
2003-02-14 - 3:28 p.m.17:21:05 �
I am an unhealthy person. Because it is impossible for me to gain any weight, I eat as much fat marble as i want, sleep for 16 hours stretches, chain smoke reefer, and drink 40 ounces regularly on a 12 ounce basis. I think my mom became concerned when i said that i had muscle fatigue after doing the laundry. so yesterday i went with my mom and dad to a community service cardio kickboxing class at the highschool cafeteria.
The instructor was a buxom black woman, named Barbra, who wore JJ Fad tights and had Moesha braids pulled tightly in back.
The class consisted of about 15 women of varying ages and 3 men, myself and my father included. For one hour we did jabs, hooks, upercuts, roundhouse kicks and stretches to the Rocky Balboa anthem as well as an assortment of mid 90s techno. I got the power!
Whenever our enthusiastic instructor made a joke, she would appraise her own wittiness with an amused look, then hoot out a laugh that was reminiscent of a fisherman who had just caught a prize fish. "whooo hoo hoo hoo hee ho whooo".
After, we lay our foam mats onto the dusty floor, I discovered my grotesque inability to bend. while almost everyone in there was doing stretches that woud humble olive oil, i thought of illusions. ways to make it appear that i was successfully executing the stretches without actually doing them. my attempts were unsuccessful. next week, to better prepare me, i'm going to inhale some poppers and have a johnny walker before class. that would be so Ab Fab. we did mad squats, and today my crotch is reminding me of the time i went horseback riding, ON AN EXCEPTIONALLY LARGE HORSE. yeah, i won't be dancing tonight.
all in all i had a nice time and i really liked our instructor although i don't think this is the type of kickboxing that i could take to the streets if you know what i'm saying. "what muthafucker, you looking at me? well bring it! i'll give you a swift jab to the nuts and 2 and 3 and 4 and grapevine, now kick and 2 and 3 and 4 and. i'll serve you with my power crunches boy!"
on another note, i'd like to wish myself a happy valentines day. yet another year of sexual isolation. i think i'm going to declare myself celibate, like morrissey. at least that way it seems deliberate and i might even get props for my self restraint. Go me.