| dewy decimal |
2004-08-16 - 12:52 a.m.
I made him cry last night. It took me more than 30 minutes to calm him down and even then I could hear the staccato sobs that sounded like something inside him was being stitched.
I told him that I loved him in my own special way, which may or may not have been the right thing to say to someone who has so quickly fallen for you.
I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I've done anything wrong but I know that I'm hurting someone I care very much for without trying.
When he told me that he'd never been happier in his life, and that if you care for somebody and you love them, you say it. When he told me that he would never hurt me, well, it's not a matter if I believed it.
I did.
The matter is the pressure. The matter is huge and dense. It troubles. The matter is being built up so that someone very vulnerable and special can see you avalanche destructively right on their fucking head.
I feel like a parent who is about to tell his baby, his child, that he is adopted, just thinking for hours if there is a right way to explain such a difficult thing. If you should say it at all.