| dewy decimal |
2004-05-07 - 9:59 p.m.
Cocaine: I went to a party in the Waikiki Joy Hotel once and a few friends and I were doing a shitload of lines with a bunch of ravers with Jncos that flared so that they looked like they were wearing these gigantoid skirts. Anyway we were at the penthouse and I'm on the balcony, high as Everest, smoking a cigarette and making fun of the trance music that the ravers were playing. After I smoke my cigarette down to the filter, I flick the butt over the edge and it lands on the scalp of a palm tree inside this furious mass of palm frawns. Me and my friends are laughing real hard at this until the fucking tree starts billowing smoke and catches on fire. The fire fighters come and all the ravers who are all on acid are like, "Come on lets get out of here, it's a trap," they vacate the premises. As me and my friends exit the lobby, we avoid eye contact with the police. I'm feeling pretty bad.
Ecstasy: It was Halloween circa 1999 and I'm rolling on two double decker Mitsubishis. Me and Shari are at a DJ Shadow show in Kalihi. My eyes are rolling into the back of my head and my teeth are grinding. I'm looking crazy fucked up like I'm going through stigmata or something. So I'm watching Shadow's set and there is a cute guy in front of me with this girl. I sense that he might be gay and no other reason than the fact that I was rolling fucking balls I say to myself, Hey let's get this guys attention and seduce him by blowing on the back of his motherfucking neck. Yes, I did it and immediately after I hear him tell the girl, "Oh my god, I think this guy is blowing on the back of my neck." You don't have to be sober to feel that scalp-shivering, red-faced embarrassment I felt at that moment.
Acid: The summer of 2000 was ending and I had school the next day but I still had a reserve of leftover acid from the party season. So I call up a few buddies to come over and hang out, watch some Bjork videos. I drop my remaining 4 hits of acid. So we're all watching Bjork's Volumen and I'm saying things like, "It's so amazing how Bjork is, she's like an elf but super fucking magical. Her powers like totally exceed her forefathers." My friends are all laughing at me cause they know I'm frying hardcore.
It's about 12:30am and all of a sudden, my Mom storms downstairs and goes into the washroom and she's slamming file cabinets, crushing cans, and starts vacuuming like June fucking Cleaver. My friends are all like, "Uh, we better go."
So I'm in the living room, lying on the sofa telling myself that if I turn into a string bean she won't notice me and will go away. But she doesn't. The slamming gets louder so I walk over to her, "Mom, do you need help with anything?" and then she fucking goes off about how I'm such a bad kid and how I don't attend to my responsibilities and how I don't give a fuck about anyone but myself. Her body is at an angle where she's neither facing me nor turned around. The look on her face is a combination of I'm going to punch you in your jaw and Please don't punch me in the jaw. Normally, I'd have been like, "Yeah whatever. This place sucks. You don't own me." But I was so high that I was really absorbing everything she was saying and I just thought to myself, Wow, I'm a bad, horrible, shitty kid. After she's done with her rant, I decide that it's probably best if I go into my room and pretend like I'm sleeping so she doesn't figure out that I'm frying balls. For eight hours I'm laying on my bed in pitch darkness, still as a jar of pennies, having awesome visions of tofu and cherries, magicians pulling kerchiefs from their pores.
And dude, you haven't heard nothing yet.