| dewy decimal |
2003-10-30 - 5:16 a.m.
For the past four years or so, I've come up with a slew of really shitty, half-assed Halloween costumes. They were the kind of costumes where people would guess what it was I was trying to do. Of course they'd get it totally wrong and then they would be embarrassed for so completely missing the mark, and then I'd get embarrassed because they were embarrassed. Then maybe the'd get embarassed again because they would have seen that I was embarrassed. Maybe the embarrassment would continue quietly for 5 minutes or so.
One year Shari and I were supposed to be Velma and Shaggy from Scooby Doo. Shari was a good Velma because she had an orange cowl neck sweater, brown skirt, knee-highs, the whole falafel.
At the time I had been bleaching my hair and dying it pink, atomic turquoise, etc.- so much so that my hair was so dead so that it wouldn't take color anymore. Well I had the green T-shirt, brown/brick pants and even a backpack that was a Scooby Doo stuffed animal where you could put shit inside of it.
But when I walked down the street, some drunken frat-looking boys took one look at my outfit and said real sarcastic,"Oh wow! Look at him, it�s a boy with a Scooby Doo on his back. Great outfit buddy." Uninformed fuckers. Although I did have pink hair. Maybe that's what thrw them off. huh.
The next year Shari and me decided that we should be devils. I fixed and cut this red T-shirt so that there was a cutout of an upside down cross on the front. And I guess because of my lean body type another group of uncostumed frat-looking guys said, " Hey look guys, it's Iggy Pop," Its really tiring because I get that Iggy Pop comment so much that its essentially lost its meaning, like saying "Holy Smokes!" No one even thinks of Holy Smoke physically rising in disbelief anymore. Yeah, Iggy Pop or Bruce Lee, just stop it, it doesn't mean anything.
The next year, after watching Before Night Falls, I was inspired to be a Cuban poet. I got this great Cuban hat, a mustache with the body to match a sea cucumber, gold Catholic jewelry, and even bolstered a Cigar in my lips the entire evening. Boy was I sick the next day. But the motherfuckers just thought I was Groucho Marx. Whatever, I guess.
Halloween is tomorrow and I have no costume and at this point it�s looking pretty grim. All my friends are dressing up and going to all the hotspots but I just feel like such a fraud without a costume. Maybe I'll just stay home and delegate candies while scaring the living daylights out of the little kids on my block. Think about it, kids have a lot of living daylight left in them. It could prove to be a very challenging night. You should come over. I have a recipe for fake blood.